The bartender says, "We don't serve here." and 187 say, ġ87 cucumbers walk into a bar. The format's like this:ġ87 walk into a bar. It's the standard bar joke you get a profession as a suggestion and then a group of you comes up with as many jokes as you can. We had an improv sketch that was called 187. Their handes all with vomit greased, (The donkey was not pleased,Īnd threw them into a ditche of shite!) They all agreed: "Wha a brillant night!" Homeward bounde, must quicklie go, To that ende - a donkey stole! Thrown they were, from the Horne And Trumpette, In the street, no coyne, no strumpet. The fetide stenche did fille the pubbe, 'Twas the very arse of Beelzebubbe! Stinking foule corruptionne! Came spewinge forth from droolinge lippes, (Except that Dick Emery is not yet borne - So such comparisonne may not be drawn).īut then the fellowes began to pale, For quail are not the friende of ale!Īnd in their bellyes much confusione! From their throats vile extrusione! Such was the lewdness and debaucherie - 'Twas like a sketch by Dick Emery! Soon they caught them on their knee, 'Twas like some grotesque puppettrie! One did approach, with drunkene winke: "'Ello darlin', you fancy a drink?", Upon three young wenches round and slye, The fellowes cast a wanton eye. Yet man knoweth that gluttonie, Stoketh the fyre of lecherie, (One fellowe stood all pale and wan, For he was vegetarianne) Great hammes, quaile, ducke and geese! They suck'd the bones and drank the grease! Great pasties from Cornwalle! Scottishe eggs round like a balle!
Yet after wine and meade and sac, Man must have a massive snack,
MAN WALKS INTO A BAR AND PULLS OUT A TINY PIANO FULL
'Til drunkennesse held full dominione, For 'twas two for the price of one. Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe, And hadde a reallye good laffe. In expectatione of revelrie, For 'twas the houre known as happye. Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe, And gleefullye their handes did rubbe, #58 ::: Sica ::: (view all by) ::: March 17, 2010, 07:40 PM:īill Bailey has a string of fantastic pub jokes but I think this one has to be my favourite of his: "i know what i want, then: give me two more just like this!"
"master, you still have two more wishes," says the genie, "what is your request?" "this is brilliant!," he yells, "it never runs out!" and no matter how much he pours, the bottle never runs out. soon he's running around the beach, splashing guiness everywhere. he stands pouring it into the sand of the beach, and it keeps pouring and pouring. then he pour some into his hands, and laps it up from his hands. The genie hands him a bottle of guiness, and the irishman takes a long swig from it. genie: give me a bottle of guiness that never runs out!" "anything I want? well i've no doubt what my first wish is. So he sets to rubbing it, and just as you'd expect, a genie pops out and offers him three wishes. #50 ::: kid bitzer ::: (view all by) ::: March 17, 2010, 06:47 PM:Īn irishman is walking on the beach, when he finds a brass oil lamp, looking exactly like something out of the thousand and one nights.
The bartender leans over to him and says, "You know, Superman, you're kind of an asshole when you're drunk." But how do I know when to jump?" The regular says, "Don't worry, I'll count it off for you." So the newcomer goes to the window, the regular concentrates for a bit then counts "3, 2, 1, GO!," and the newcomer jumps out of the window and falls thirty stories to his death. The newcomer says, "Wow! That's awesome! I want to try that. A few seconds later he comes right back through the window and lands on his feet. The newcomer says "No way." But sure enough, the regular goes over the window, concentrates for a minute, then jumps out. If you time it right, you can jump out the window and get blown right back in." #40 ::: Tim Walters ::: (view all by) ::: March 17, 2010, 05:35 PM:Ī man walks into a revolving bar on top of a hotel, and strikes up a conversation with one of the regulars, who says: "You know, these revolving buildings create air vortices with interesting properties.